I Want to See Me Live Happily Ever After
by Conspiracy Girl
Summary: Duncan and Methos argue. Like what else is new?


Title: I Want to See Me Live Happily Ever After

Author: Conspiracy Girl

Notes: This started as a paper for a Philosophy class on Socrates' _Meno_, hence the argument. But I think I captured them quite well. If you don't agree, flames will be welcomed and used to roast marshmellons. Bonus points to anyone who recognizes that reference.

Disclaimer: Characters and places used in this paper are taken from Highlander: The Series and belong to Rysher, Panzer-Davis, and not the author. Warning: in-jokes ahead. Paper title is a quote from the HL:tS episode "Till Death." Italics indicate narration or actions.

Character Synopsis 

**Duncan MacLeod**: called the Immortal Boy Scout, he believes in honour, chivalry and playing by the rules. He's Scottish, so he broods a lot.

**Methos**: currently the oldest living Immortal at 5,000 years old, he is cynical, sarcastic and the ultimate survivor. He claims not to have felt guilt since the 11th century. He also claims to have been a friend of Socrates.

_Scene: late evening, in **Duncan MacLeod's** barge home in Paris. **Duncan **is sitting on a chair, reading a book. **Methos **walks in, without knocking._

**Methos:** Hullo MacLeod. Want a beer?

He walks over to the refrigerator and grabs himself a beer, without asking permission. He tosses the bottle cap behind the fridge and takes another bottle, flipping the cap behind the fridge again and bringing the bottle with him to the couch, where he sprawls bonelessly. 

**Duncan:** _ironic _Hello Methos. Come on in. No thank you, but you go ahead and have one. Sit down, make yourself at home.

**M:** Thanks, I will. So, Mac, what are you reading? The Idiot's Guide to Brooding? No, sorry, I forgot. You wrote that one. It must be How to Be a Hero and Walk Into an Obvious Trap After You've Been Warned. Or is it The Crazy Lady and You: How to Avoid Dating Obviously Unstable Homicidal Maniacs Who Cry So You Feel Guilty, Put Your Sword Down and Let Them Kill You?

**D:** Very funny, old man. But I don't think that title would fit onto the cover. No, I'm reading Socrates. The Meno.

**M:** Meno, huh? Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long time. He was a real jerk, liked to pick arguments with people. Soc was one of his favourite targets—he liked to annoy people with stupid questions. As I recall, he once asked me if I wanted a drink of wine. _Shaking his head. _Meno had no respect for his elders at all. Come to think of it, he reminds me of a certain Scot I could mention.

**D:** Soc, hmm? Let me guess, you knew Socrates. No, wait, I know. You actually wrote all his speeches, and he just plagiarized from you. Or was he one of your drinking buddies?

**M:** I'm just a guy, Highlander. I never claimed to be the source of all wisdom. Socrates was just a friend of mine, and he came up with his ideas all on his own. So what has you so fascinated? Trying to figure out if you really are the most virtuous boy scout who's ever lived? Or are you just trying to sound out all the words with more than two syllables?

**D:** _shooting Methos a dirty look_ No, actually I'm interested in what he says about how no one wishes to be miserable and unhappy. On the surface, it seems fairly obvious, that no one likes to be sad. But I've been thinking…

**M:** _interrupting_ Careful, that's a dangerous habit for you to start at so late a date.

**D:** _ignoring_ If no one wants to be miserable, then why do people so often act in ways that they know will make them miserable?

**M:** Because people are stupid, MacLeod. Haven't you managed to figure that out in the past four centuries?

**D:** I'm serious, Methos. No one likes to feel miserable. It's an unpleasant feeling, and humans instinctively dislike unpleasant feelings, and try to avoid them whenever possible. People don't like to feel bad, and they do like to feel good, so they try to do things that make them feel good more often then they feel bad. Misery is like pain—the body tries to avoid pain whenever possible, because it recognizes that pain is an indicator that something is not right with the body. If too many things are wrong, than the body ceases to function and you die. If there is no pain, or if there is pleasure, it means that nothing is wrong with the body and there is no danger. Misery is an emotional pain, and too much of it can damage the soul in the same way that physical pain damages the body.

**M:** I'll give you that point, but pain can also be quite useful, even beneficial. It's a warning system, to let you know that something is hazardous to your health, so you should stop whatever is wrong at once. Unhappiness can likewise be an indicator that something in your life needs to be changed to eliminate the emotional pain.

**D:** Yes, but that brings us back to why people would deliberately do things that make them miserable, if it is bad for them and they know that.

**M:** Because some people are masochists, MacLeod, and they enjoy the pain. Because some people believe that they are bad and that they deserve for bad things to happen to them. They hold themselves to impossibly high moral standards and quite naturally fail, because in the end we are all merely human. You should understand how that feels, considering how you've probably spent more of your life brooding than sleeping.

**D: **Sarcasm is pathological with you, isn't it?

**M:** What can I say, I'm easily amused. And speaking of which, I need another beer. _Methos gets up, leaving his empty bottle on the floor beside the couch and goes to get another beer from the fridge, continuing to speak as he does so. _Besides, there are also people who are mentally disturbed, depressed, obsessed, suicidal. They don't always realize that what they want is bad for them. And then there are the people who do know and just don't care, for whatever reason. Addicts who demand their fix, even though they know it's hurting them. Smokers who are dying of lung cancer and still want a cigarette, alcoholics with damaged livers and heart problems who still drink, people who get dumped and still follow their loved one around despite that pesky restraining order…there have always been people who crave things that they know are harmful to them, things that ruin their lives, and still they repeatedly make the conscious decision to continue with their way of life, no matter how self-destructive it may seem to the rest of society. Maybe they do wish to be miserable, because they enjoy it or think they deserve it. Maybe they are so involved in their chosen escape from reality that they don't realize that they are miserable. Maybe they just don't care. I don't have any answers for you, Mac. Even Soc said he didn't know anything.

**D:** But you mentioned people who are mentally ill. They don't choose to be unhappy. They just aren't always capable of recognizing that they are.

**M:** Yes, but which is worse? To be unhappy and not know it, or to be unhappy and be aware of your condition?

**D:** You're getting off track.

**M:** So sue me. I'm five thousand years old. I have a lot of thoughts. And right now, my thoughts are that we should go over to Joe's bar, since you're almost out of beer. A shocking lapse for a host of your reputation, MacLeod. Just for that, you're buying. Besides, I want to see if I can feed Joe any more of that nonsense about the Vomitorium.

**D:** _getting his coat and keys_ Remind me again, Methos, why exactly do I put up with you? _He waits for Methos to precede him out the door._

**M:** My scintillating wit.

**D:** I don't think so.

**M:** My awe-inspiring wisdom.

**D:** Try again.

**M:** My boyish good looks?

_Duncan just looks at him and shakes his head as they leave the barge. _

_Fade to black._

**The End.**


End file.
